So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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