Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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