when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
