Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
