WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I love you. Go after that dick
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
