So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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