I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
