my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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