There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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