It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
