Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
