and my herpes radar will keep us safe
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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