So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
