Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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