i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
