Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
