...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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