So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
