Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
