Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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