yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
