i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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