you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
