she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
