So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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