Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize