dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
