Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
