Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize