wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
