dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize