why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
