I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
