he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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