she woke up with a sticky ear
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
