Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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