shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
