member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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