Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
