You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
