I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
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One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
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I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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