took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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