I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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