There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
