Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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