Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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