NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
