OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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