And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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