I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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