im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
