so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
