you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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