dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
