Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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