I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
