my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
