so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm passing your future prison.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this will be a night to untag.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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