Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
